Obviously, Lena Dunham’s new dramedy, Girls, isn’t about men. But as a guy, I have to complain a little about how grossness of the dudes on the show. To be plain, Dunham’s character, Hannah, is dating Frankenstein, and her best-friend Marnie is dating a 12-year-old girl trapped in a 16-year-old boy’s body. Let’s have a look:
He’s dense, poorly-shaven and unemployed, but that’s not the worst of it. Adam seems to have learned about sex from a curious mix of raunchy porn movies and professional hockey. What girl doesn’t like being surprised by a little anal action, or hearing sweet nothings like: “You’re a dirty little whore and I’m going to send you home to your parents covered in cum?” But I can see why Hannah likes him. Not only does he have special skills — ejaculating in the shape of Africa takes a lot of hand-penis coordination — he can also be quite considerate. Offering Hannah a bottle of orange Gatorade after she “almost cums” shows that he cares about her, and doesn’t want her getting too dehydrated. After five minutes of traumatizing sex, though, I think Hannah should be reaching for the gin.
Is it just me, or is Charlie’s hair (let alone his personality) inspired by Brian Krakow from My So-Called Life? Also, has he really not clued in to the fact that his girlfriend is completely turned off by him? In the first episode, I thought Charlie was sweet-yet-naive. After the second episode, though, I’ve downgraded him to gross. Something about the too-soft way he says “doggy” (as in -style) that instantly, wrongly makes me think of puppies, and the sad, defeatist way he tells his girlfriend, Marnie, “it’s like I didn’t even know how to make love to you anymore.” Not hot. No girl — or gay man — wants to hear their boyfriend say that. No wonder Marnie thinks his touch feels like a weird uncle’s.
Who introduces their friends to a new girl over dinner by saying that you normally aren’t attracted to ladies who have been”penetrated by a drummer.” Especially if you only met the girl that morning while cruising the mall. Classy.
Guy That Feels Jenna Up in the Bathroom
There’s nothing inherently gross about this guy (unless you have something against greasy-haired hipsters). I just thought it was kind of nasty when he pulled out of Jenna’s pants with blood on her fingers and said “you’re bleeding.” Is there nothing sacred anymore? I didn’t need to see that on TV.