The Gross Guys of HBO’s Girls

Obviously, Lena Dunham’s new dramedy, Girls, isn’t about men. But as a guy, I have to complain a little about how grossness of the dudes on the show. To be plain, Dunham’s character, Hannah, is dating Frankenstein, and her best-friend Marnie is dating a 12-year-old girl trapped in a 16-year-old boy’s body. Let’s have a look:

Adam Sackler

Adam Driver plays Adam Sackler on HBO's Girls.

He’s dense, poorly-shaven and unemployed, but that’s not the worst of it. Adam seems to have learned about sex from a curious mix of raunchy porn movies and professional hockey. What girl doesn’t like being surprised by a little anal action, or hearing sweet nothings like: “You’re a dirty little whore and I’m going to send you home to your parents covered in cum?” But I can see why Hannah likes him. Not only does he have special skills — ejaculating in the shape of Africa takes a lot of hand-penis coordination — he can also be quite considerate. Offering Hannah a bottle of orange Gatorade after she “almost cums” shows that he cares about her, and doesn’t want her getting too dehydrated. After five minutes of traumatizing sex, though, I think Hannah should be reaching for the gin.

Charlie

Christopher Abbott plays Charlie on HBO's Girls

Is it just me, or is Charlie’s hair (let alone his personality) inspired by Brian Krakow from My So-Called Life? Also, has he really not clued in to the fact that his girlfriend is completely turned off by him? In the first episode, I thought Charlie was sweet-yet-naive. After the second episode, though, I’ve downgraded him to gross. Something about the too-soft way he says “doggy” (as in -style) that instantly, wrongly makes me think of puppies, and the sad, defeatist way he tells his girlfriend, Marnie, “it’s like I didn’t even know how to make love to you anymore.” Not hot. No girl — or gay man — wants to hear their boyfriend say that. No wonder Marnie thinks his touch feels like a weird uncle’s.

Ray

Alex Karpovsky plays Ray on HBO's Girls

Who introduces their friends to a new girl over dinner by saying that you normally aren’t attracted to ladies who have been”penetrated by a drummer.” Especially if you only met the girl that morning while cruising the mall. Classy.

Guy That Feels Jenna Up in the Bathroom

HBO's Girls

There’s nothing inherently gross about this guy (unless you have something against greasy-haired hipsters). I just thought it was kind of nasty when he pulled out of Jenna’s pants with blood on her fingers and said “you’re bleeding.” Is there nothing sacred anymore? I didn’t need to see that on TV.

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One thought on “The Gross Guys of HBO’s Girls

  1. I am the other side to the gross coin. Or perhaps the coin stading on its side. I find the male/boyfriend characters somewhere between gross and alluring. Adam for instance is enough of a duche that you’d never really want him to meet your friend or parents, but not as duche-y as feeling like you are being taken advantage of or even abused. His honesty and lack of filter make him semi-attractive in a let’s see how long I want to put up with his bullshit type of way. I also feel like he is a catch for anyone who enyoys themself and living their own life more than being a couple.
    As for Charlie, sweet Charlie, I am drawn to his devotion. As much as I would hate feeling that much love on me all the time, I think I would view him less as a boyfriend and more as a pet. I would take advantage of the hyper-love and dress him and make him take me places and then when it’s all too much, toss him to the side, knowing he’d come back and still love me even though I was a dick. I guess my views on relationships are bizzare, and perhaps I am the narcissistic and naive mix of the two of them, but I find these characters refreshing and trapped in the vague space between gross and alluring.

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