I’m not entirely sure if anything significant happened on the most recent episode of Lena Dunham’s Girls, titled All Adventurous Women Do. Hannah ate a cupcake in the bathroom. Marnie had sex with herself at a party. Shoshanna didn’t have sex with anyone. The biggest plot development was Adam Sackler possibly giving Hannah HPV, but considering his head-to-toe grossness, is that really so shocking? Hannah and company did say a whole bunch of random stuff, though. And I guess that’s significant. Or at least funny. Here’s a collection of the highlights, and to make the dialogue slightly less random, a translation.
Marnie to Charlie: “You look scary to me, like Mickey Mouse without the ears.”
Translation: Before you shaved your head, you used to look like a too-cute children’s cartoon that I didn’t want to have sex with. Now that you’ve shaven your head, you look like a deformed children’s cartoon that I don’t want to have sex with.
Shoshanna to Hannah: “I’m a virgin, obviously.”
Translation: I used to be holding out for Mr. Big, but at this rate, I’d settle for Chewbacca.
Hannah to Shoshanna: “I just bought four cupcakes and ate one in your bathroom.”
Translation: Cupcakes are the new coke, at least until I find a job.
Elijah to Hannah: “You were never fat. You were soft and round, like a dumpling.”
Translation: You were fat, but I was gay so I didn’t mind the extra beef.
Marnie to Booth Jonathan: “I feel like I have to say something. I feel like I should tell you that I’m not going to kiss you.”
Translation: My boyfriend looks like Mickey Mouse without the ears and giggles like a school girl when he touches me. I don’t want to kiss you, I want to molest you with my tongue.
Booth Jonathan to Marnie: “I want you to know that the first time I fuck you, it might scare you a little. Because I’m a man. And I know how to do things.”
Translation: When the lights are out, I make monkey noises the likes of which you’ve never heard. Oh, and I don’t wear deodorant.
Jessa to old rich dude: “Do you not have a job? It’s okay, I don’t have a job.”
Translation: We’re both trust-fund babies, which is good, because at least we have something in common. Well, that and pot.
Hannah (in a tweet): “Just poured water on some perfectly good bread to stop myself from eating it. ate it anyway. BECAUSE I’M AN ANIMAL.”
Translation: My current boyfriend looks likes like a grub worm, my ex-boyfriend is gay, and I have no job. Oh, and there’s the HPV thing. Eating wet bread is the most normal thing that’s happened to me in a long time.