51 Brock Ave., Toronto

The Place: A 5-bedroom, $675,000 Victorian in Toronto’s west end. It has 2 kitchens, so it’s either a live-in/rent-out property or the home of a food-hoarding over eater. I wonder what kind of house it would be for me: a way to boost my income, or my waist size? Actually, why not both? I could use all the rent money to buy fancy snacks, like prosciutto…and chocolate-covered prosciutto. It’s win-win-win, because then I could use the rent money to get lipo when I’m too heavy to breath. Yay.

The Potentional: The big sell for me (other than the rental income) is the master bedroom. It’s 240-square-feet, which means that it’s a spacious place to hide from my whining lovely tenants.

51 Brock Ave., Toronto

The Fix: The first thing I would do in this room is lay down some ‘bone. By which I mean, herringbone.

Wolfgang Behnken’s German home, featured in Elle Decor Italia

The floor adds warmth, texture and pattern.Plus, it’s just really, really pretty.

Made Good’s Briana Headboard

Also pretty: this woven seagrass headboard from Made Goods.

Anthropologie’s Filigree Waltz Lantern

Because the bedroom is so large, I would incorporate a work space. But not a productive work space. More like a nook where I could sit and brood about how life is void of all meaning in order to produce nothing of any real value. Basically, a place to write poetry. Except not, because I would be a heartless capitalist extorting rent from my tenants (and what poet would be that clever?). In that spirit, I would hang some candle-holding orbs, like Anthropologie’s Filigree Waltz Lanterns.

Photo via Apartment Therapy

And I would add a vintage writer’s desk, like the one above which I spotted on Apartment Therapy. The Michael Thonet-style chair is a nice touch, too.

George Nakashima armless lounge chair and ottoman

Post brooding, I would want to rest in a George Nakashima lounge chair with matching ottoman.

Martha Stewart Living’s Popcorn paint colour

Surprise: I would paint the walls, trim and ceiling white. (Martha Stewart Living’s Popcorn, to be precise).

Related: A House I’ll Never Own or Decorate – The Kids I’ll Never Have Edition