Lena Dunham plays Hannah on HBO’s Girls

On the fifth episode of Lena Dunham’s Girls (Hard Being Easy) everyone got what they wanted (well, except for Shoshanna – she’s still a virgin). Here’s what I mean:

Hannah got some material for her memoir

True, her rumply, roly-poly boss shot her down, depriving her of a good workplace sexual harassment story. But at least Adam Sackler (who, by the way, almost looks not gross wearing safety glasses) sexploited her in a new and humiliating way — dumping her than asking her to watch him jerk off. In the memoir, I’m assuming this episode will come before the chapters where Hannah checks herself into cupcake rehab then becomes a lesbian.

Jessa got to have weird revenge sex with a dirty hipster

To each their own, because I wouldn’t touch that guy’s nasty ‘stache for all the skinny jeans in Brooklyn. He didn’t even last that long. And why did Jessa look like she was on her way to an audition for RuPaul’s Drag Race? So much makeup!

Charlie got to flex his new found balls:

At least, until they shriveled up and dropped off. He was on such a great roll — dumping Marnie, repossessing his knockoff Restoration Hardware table, regaining his dignity. Why did he relent, though, and fall back into Marnie’s clutches? At least he has an amazing apartment — such great built-ins. He should stick to wood working for sure, and give up his musical career.

Ray got to be a dick to Marnie

“I don’t even want to hate fuck you. It’s that real.” Ha!

Marnie got to have the last laugh

Did Marnie only want Charlie back because she resented being dropped by someone with the sex appeal of a sock puppet? I think so — which is why she worked so hard for his forgiveness only to dump him before the makeup sex was even over. I hope Booth Jonathan comes back to show her what a real asshole man looks like.